dear phone, if i am typing “f-u-” don’t suggest “fun,” don’t suggest “full”. don’t suggest “funkadelic”. you know i’m in the process of typing fuck, fucking, fuckin’, fucker, fucktastic, fuckenomics, or fuckery. and i know you know because you’re a smart phone. you learn specifically how I WRITE. stop being such a tight-laced motherfucking choir boy. i shouldn’t have to finish typing “f-u-c-k-” for you to dive into my fucktionary.
you knew it was coming to this. i’m a fucking adult male, not a social sciences professor giving an interview on NPR. stop being a fucking wuss and save me my fucking two seconds.